Blonde
by mybloodyday
Summary: just something short and funny. Hidakona


**for** **all blonde people who may read this, please don`t get offended :) I`m a blonde myself so it shouldn`t be a problem. I have no intention to insult someone **

**enjoy~***

* * *

"Fucking Kaku-shit... I hate your damn guts..." murmured a disgruntled silver haired man

For a whole week the same thing happened. Hidan would concentrate and put the upmost effort to finish all his daily paperwork quickly before dashing like a mad man towards the elevator in hopes of not coming nose to nose with his bastard of a boss. But his dreams will be shattered every time, because even if he tried to sneak out in the most artful way possible (hiding behind plants or water supplies at any suspicious noise) that pig still had a way to find him. It was as if he had a GPS on him or something. When he last expect it, the miser would materialize out of nowhere with those demonic papers clutched in hand and that sadistic twinkle in his gangrene colored eyes.

And like every night, instead of going home assuaged that he could have a nice meal and a good rest, he would be handed some extra paperwork to review overnight by his martyr of a boss. And this shit was getting on his nerves already!

If the fucked up piece of human waste was providing him with another sleepless night he would not hesitate to march up and struck the daily shits out of him than slap his ugly mug with his resignation. To hell with this stupid job! He wasn`t his fucking slave or something!

Hidan grinded his teeth together at the thought of the satisfied grin the bastard sported when he saw the doomed expression at the sight of more work. Imaging he was wringing his neck like a helpless chicken, he more like stabbed the paper with words and using more force than necessary, his pen snapped in half.

Hurling a string of fluent curses that`ll earn him some bitch slaps from his mother if she were to hear him, he started rummaging for a spare pen in his desk`s drawer.

"May Jashin blast you to bits, you senile old fucker.."

Calming a little bit at the wonderful dream of stabbing the old rag to death with a blunt object, he resumed his earlier swelter.

He was browsing through a document about the technical and financial capability of their company when a soft sigh coming from his left heckled his concentration.

Brushing some stray hairs away from his face, he choose to ignore the little disturbance.

A few seconds later another sigh followed and whether it was from sleep deprival or stress he couldn't tell, but hell every single little sound managed to perturb him. Tapping his fingers on the table in order to keep himself calm, he took a deep breath and once again tried to focus on his forced labour.

But then again, the annoying sound kept on coming and wouldn`t seem to stop. Hidan tried to ignore it, he really did but the continuous sighing accompanied by the sound of pages being leafed through fretfully was starting to piss him off. _Immensely_.

"Will you fucking stop it, already?" Hidan suddenly snapped, looking up from his paperwork with a scowl on his lips.

The woman seated on the bed stared at him surprised.

"What are you talking about?" she asked as if she wasn`t the cause of all that racket.

"That damn moaning and flicking! You're giving me a headache, woman." he spat, glaring at her

Konan rolled her eyes in exasperation, looking back down at her book. Lately he was more grumpy than usual and she always had to walk on egg shells with him to prevent his famous temper tantrums to unleash.

"I`ll try to tune down my noisiness." she uttered peeved, narrowing her eyes at him.

Konan was sure that he had more mood swings than a woman on PMS. She suppressed a chuckle at the thought of buying him a handcart full of chocolate and some cheesy movies to improve his moodiness.

When Hidan was sure she won`t make those nerve racking sounds again, he turned around muttering unintelligibly under his breath while rubbing his temples.

After a half an hour or so, the zealot was proud to say that he managed to disconnect himself from the world, and every shuffle or flicking was lost to his ears. He was fully focused on his task and nothing and no one could destroy-

_"THUAK!"_

The sudden sound of a book being snapped shut forcefully made him almost jump out of his skin and drop his pen in the process. Cursing furiously, he crouched down to reach for his writing utensil when a surprising statement caught him off guard, thus causing him to bang his head on the wooden desk...hard.

Rubbing the swelling spot in a futile attempt to soothe the throbbing feeling, he crawled from under the desk to stare incredulously at the blue haired woman, who was watching him amused from the bed.

"Are you going fucking bollocks or something?"

Konan glared disapprovingly at his chosen words before scoffing at him.

"I assure you that my mental state is fine, thank you."

Deadpan, Hidan glanced at her expectantly, scanning every quarter of her face for any sign that may betray her dementia, before scratching the nape of his neck dumbfounded.

"I must have hit myself harder than I thought cuz I thought I just heard you wanting to dye your hair blonde... hehehe... fucking work, it`s making me hear things.."

Laughing good naturally and shaking his head at the silly idea, he took his seat once more to pour over the remaining documents. That woman always managed to lift his spirits somehow...pfff.. .blonde...what a bunch of nonsense crap.

"You heard me right Hidan. And it wasn`t a joke either." she assured him in that higher-than-thou voice.

This time he stared at her as if she suddenly proclaimed she`ll elope with Kakuzu and live with him in a dumpster forever. Konan only smirked over at him, eyebrows raised.

But her amusement dispersed when Hidan suddenly rose from his chair to march over her still seated form to check her temperature and some concussion she may have suffered when he was away.

"Hidan!" she exclaimed disgruntled, slapping his hands away from her hair.

"What`s the matter with you?" she asked him, overtaken by his actions.

"The fuck is wrong with YOU!" he replayed accusingly. Then his face softened with concern as his hands once again tangled in her hair to feel her scalp for some bumps he may have overlooked.

"Are you feeling alright? Did you frigging hit your head when I wasn`t around?"

With some effort she managed to pry him away, huffing angrily. Usually his exaggerating worry over her well being made him cute, but now it was unnecessary and it made her feel like a small child with disabilities.

"I`m fine. Will you cut it off?" she added the last part when his hands reached once again towards her.

"I`m fine! _Really_!" she assured him once more when all he did was stare at her with untrusting violet eyes.

"Just go and finish your work and forget that I said anything."

Gently, she pushed him away from the edge of the bed and to strengthen her point she grabbed her abandoned book, deeming the end of their conversation.

Hidan raised his eyebrows at how easily she brushed him off, but nevertheless he returned to his mahogany desk. Try as he might to pretend that the earlier episode never took place, he couldn`t suppress his curiosity at her nutty decision and being an ambitious person, he wheeled around to interrogate her further.

"Why would you dye your hair?"

Konan snapped her book shut with a sigh, locking her amber eyes with his violet ones. From personal experience, she knew how pig headed her silver haired companion could be and he won`t drop the subject till he was completely satisfied with the answers. She almost rolled her eyes at his stubbornness.

"I want to test some theory." she informed him nonchalantly, stretching her body over the silky sheets and dropping her head in her palm to gaze at him fully. She smirked at his perplexed expression, already foreseeing his next question.

"What theory?" he inquired as she predicted.

"That blonde people have more fun then those with different hair colors." she stated, almost laughing at his bug eyed expression.

Hidan could only stare blankly at the woman in front of him, trying to process the information. Was she making fun of him or what? But then again, she wasn`t the kind of person to simply throw jokes around like a damn comedian.

"You`re bat shit crazy, woman." He proclaimed humored by her concerns as he once again took his seat on his leather chair then whirling around to face her.

"Who the hell put that idea into your head anyway?" he pried once more, crossing his arms at the back of his head, forgetting altogether about his abandoned documents. This conversation far was more interesting anyway.

"I overheard one of my colleagues from work telling her friend that it`s scientifically proven that blondes have the most of fun. And I want to see if it`s true or not."

Moving to rest her head in the crock of her arm, her amber eyes twinkled up at him in a mischievous manner.

This time Hidan roared with laughter. That woman always managed to leave him flabbergasted somehow.

As he involved himself further with her over the years, he got to know the many sides of her personality, including her oddities. Sometimes she would take in hand some side projects for her own cheek as she called them, and she wouldn`t abandon her plans until she`ll thresh the problem out, regardless of its insignificance. He found this side of her, as weird as it appeared, endearing because he could see some treats of his personality in there the fact that she displayed the same ambitious attitude whenever she wanted to decipher some mystery, or simply wanting to sort out a trivial query made him glad they had something in common. Not to mention that it was a source of entertainment for him.

After calming himself down a bit and wiping away the tears of mirth witch threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes, he faced her once again with a boyish smile on his lips.

"So, your only solution is to turn into a Barbie." he stated bluntly

Konan cocked an eyebrow at his implication.

"It won`t be a massive make-over, Hidan.. "she deadpanned

"Just changing my hair color for a while." she stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"..Right." he uttered boringly, playing around with a pencil he found upon his desk.

A thick silence stretched between them after that. After more moments of staying in complete quietude, an intensely thoughtful look overcame Konan`s face, a look that went unnoticed by the man seated on the opposite site of the room, being too preoccupied with twiddling that pencil between his pale fingers.

"Do you think I`m not a fun person?" her soft voice broke into the silence

Hidan stared into her calm eyes, a little confused by her question.

"Erm, the heck is with that question?" he said somewhat nervously as she continued to regard him with a strange detached look on her face. He had a feeling he should be careful with his answers, then almost instantly berated himself for feeling apprehensive in the first place.

"I just want to hear your opinion. Do you believe that blondes are more enjoyable to be around with?" she stressed out her words, staring expectantly into his eyes.

"Woman, I think you`re touched in the head, seriously." He declared with an incredulous grin wavering on his face, choosing to ignore the sound of indignation coming from the bed.

"If I wanted to sentence myself to a rainbow colored life with some blonde hussy, I would have married with that fucking transvestite instead of you." he drawled nonchalantly from the chair.

"And here I thought we`ll make a glamorous couple." she added jokingly, a playful smile stretching over her lips.

Hidan twirled the pencil for a few seconds, looking vaguely uncomfortable with the subject but thoughtful all the same. For a moment he tried to picture her with the blasted color and instantly grimaced at the mental image. With the pallor of her skin combined with some platinum mane she will definitely blend in with the walls, not to mention that it`s not a flattering color for her at all. Give her some white clothing and she`ll look like some ghost.

"Can`t you wear a wig or something?" he suggested rather gruffly

"Why? It would appear raunchy on me?" she questioned defensively, taking his words as an offence to her person.

"I can`t see you with golden locks, seriously."

"Why, pray tell?"

"I just fucking can`t!" he exclaimed, getting frustrated with her questioning.

Konan frowned at the lack of tact he sported when it came to female feelings. Couldn`t he be more sensible? Right...how could she forget? he was Hidan...the walking mass of indolence himself.

"That`s not a palpable answer."she answered coldly, refusing to back out from this argument without a good fight.

Hidan could only stare incredulously at the mulish woman. She turned a seemingly trivial conversation into a large scale problem.

"The fuck is your problem?" he barked, his patience running thin

"You are my problem. You and your disrespectful and inconsiderate demeanor." she spat back, being equally peeved

"I`m not the one acting like a high-and-mighty bitch! You can`t accept some goddamn sincerity like a fucking normal person! The fucking color is shitty and I don`t want you to wear it!" he yelled, the pent up frustration already taking it`s tool on him. It made the man wanna break something.

"You`re not the boss of me!" she yelled back at him, ready to hurl her book at his gelled head any second. That would teach him a lesson to speak so crudely in front of a lady.

"And don`t you think that you`re being a hypocrite? With that fair hair you could almost pass for a blonde!" she snarled, eying him critically

Hidan looked as if she murdered his mother in cold blood then feasted on her entrails.

"What the fucking hell woman?! This is silver! S-I-L-V-E-R...not some fucked up blonde!"

He brought up his hands to his fine hair, eyes glittering with righteous indignation and offence at her accusation. How dare she speak so ungodly about his looks?

"Could have fooled me." she stated imperiously, crossing her arms over her silk covered chest, being aware this kind of attitude will irk him further.

Hidan was ready to hurl some nasty cuss words at the infuriating woman when his brain suddenly registered how utterly ridiculous was the reason of their little quarrel. Instead of sputtering like a trooper, he looked over at his rankled wife.

In the mist of their altercation she sat up to her whole height (still on the bed, mind you) regarding him with a look of barely suppressed abhorrence and superiority. Somehow, despite donning a dressing gown and his old socks, she managed to appear like some sort of royalty. He couldn`t stop the little chuckle at the silly image. She regarded him as if he was a peasant worthy of being sentenced with the capital punishment. His chuckle was soon followed by bouts of laugher, startling the blue haired female with his unexpected change of mood.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked him astonished, fearing for his mental health.

But Hidan couldn`t answer her properly, being overpowered by the violent laughter rattling his body.

Seeming that she couldn`t get an eloquent response from him, she jumped off the bed and approached him cautiously.

"What`s the matter with you?" she demanded, her amber eyes narrowing into slits

The harsh tone of voice made him stop for a second and when his violet eyes caught sight of her indignant expression, he collapsed into another fit of uncontrollable laugher.

Overtaken by this peculiar behavior she moved toward his trembling form and proceeded to shake him by the shoulders with all the force she could muster.

"Stop it! You`re starting to frighten me, you fool!"

Managing to finally get a hold of himself, he supported his weight over the edge of the desk, his shoulders still shaking a little with mirth before gazing in a pair of weary amber eyes.

"Jeez woman, you almost gave me an aneurysm."he said breathlessly, taking her off guard by placing his arms around her petite body and giving her a playful squeeze.

"I`m still upset with you." she informed him icily, trying to wiggle herself out of his grip with no success whatsoever. The silver haired man only grinned wolfishly at her lame attempts, trapping her further in his arms.

"I thought for a moment that you`ve gone insane on me." she muttered coldly, standing rigidly in his death grip. She lifted her head to deliver him a nasty glare so intense she could melt an iceberg.

"Pff we`re both messed up in the head already." he drawled humored, ignoring her frosty stares. "Who the heck fights over freaking colors anyways?"

Konan stared at him in a contemplative manner for a moment and her glare started to melt at the logic of his words.

"We really are a peculiar couple."she agreed with him, giving a little chuckle at their silliness and allowing her body to relax in his hold.

"Mhmm.."

Still leaning against his desk, he brought her even closer to stand between his legs and bury his face in the crock of her neck.

"Don`t dye your hair.." she heard him murmur meekly across her skin after some moments of content silence.

"Really, Hidan. What`s the big problem?" she asked him, curios on why he detested her decision so much

"I just..." she pricked up her ears, prepared to hear the big mystery

"..I... You won`t be my blueberry anymore!" He whined like a small preschool kid.

Konan couldn`t help but roll her eyes skywards at his childish antics. That was what bothered him so much? Typical Hidan..

She pushed him a little bit just to stare at his face with a raised eyebrow.

"Hidan.. "she started, sounding like a rigorous schoolteacher

"This won`t be an irreversible change." she repeated for the countless time already

She sat and watched him, a sweat drop forming on the back of her head as a humongous pout formed on his lips.

"Doesn`t matter!" he whined petulantly, gazing at her with big eyes in hopes of making her crack and discard her ideas.

"Don`t do it! Pretty please, with sugar on top?" he pleaded in that soapy voice he only used in order to achieve something. She almost resisted giving in to his manipulative methods of persuasion, when he decided to put fort his most precious weapon. The wrenched sadist.

"Won`t you do this little thing for your darling?" he cooed sweetly with a little smile on his lips while his hands busied themselves on rubbing her shoulders in a soothing manner.

"You`re a piece of work, you know that?" she said, giving him a bemused smile

"That`s a part of my charm babe." He replied cheekily, also giving her a flirtatious wink.

Sometimes she wondered why did she even bother. Shaking her head once more at his antics she came forward and gave him a quick hug before pulling back and moving her body to their wide inviting bed.

"I`m going to sleep right now." she informed him, her eyelids getting heavy from tiredness

"Mmm..yah I think I`ll hit the pillows too."

Hidan didn`t notice her surprised stare aimed at his back, being too preoccupied with some stray papers, arranging them in a neat pile and putting them away in a leather serviette.

"You`re finished with your work?" she asked, already making herself cozy in her blankets.

"Nah but I`ll be damned if I`ll stay awake one extra minute for this shit.. " he grumbled while fumbling with the lock of the briefcase.

"Besides I`ve been slaving for that shithead an entire week, I deserve a fucking break already." he said offhandedly

"You`re certain?" she asked doubtfully

Hidan could only shrug helplessly in response, already bent on stripping himself from his daily garments, leaving only his boxers on. After disposing them on the chair`s backrest he headed towards the lighting switch to turn off the lights before climbing into bed.

"Don`t worry your pretty head off." he assured her, wounding his arms around her soft form.

"The miser better be tingling with joy that I even bothered to start browsing through this crap."

"You know better, I suppose."she murmured while snuggling into his chest.

* * *

Hidan woke up to the annoying sound of a beeping alarm clock.

With a groan, he raised a pale arm from a mountain of pillows and blankets and reached up to hit the button and put a stop to that infernal noise. Bleary-eyed, he looked at the watch seated on the commode. It read six in the morning...meaning, he had to wake up soon to start his hellish day.

He still felt a little fatigue from yesterday and with a lazy smile he decided that five extra minutes of laying in bed won`t do him any harm. Yawning loudly, he rolled around to once again embrace his lovely wife only to be met with thin air. Surprised by her absence, he scanned the room for her, only to find it empty as well. Not thinking much about it, he moved sluggishly to their shared bathroom to do his morning necessities.

One hour later, Hidan walked down the stairs, fresh and ready to start a new day. But despite the fact that he just came out from the shower, the man still needed his doze of caffeine in order to function properly and draw out from his lethargic state. So, the next stop was undoubtedly the kitchen. Maybe his spouse was already waiting there for him with a generous cup of coffee.

When he entered the kitchen he blinked Konan wasn`t there either.

Fortunately, there was a mug filled to the brim with the holy liquid waiting for him on the counter and he wasted no second to snatch it.

Five minutes later the blue haired female made her appearance, already groomed nicely and ready for work.

A vibrant smile appeared on her face as she spotted Hidan slumped against the counter, his hand coming up to stifle a yawn.

"You`re up."she said cheerfully, walking into the room

He blinked the sleepiness from his eyes and glanced at her with a brow raised.

"Why are you so..._smiley_?"he questioned, his curious eyes watching as she brushed past him to pour herself some coffee.

"Can`t I be joyful when I see my husband?" she replied with a smirk, adding some milk and sugar in her drink

Her only response was a blank stare but she paid no mind to it.

In the course of drinking his coffee he noticed from the corner of his eye that she kept giving him convert glances. He scratched the back of his neck self-consciously.

"Well, I must be going now."

Hidan was suddenly seized with the belief that he had entered the twilight zone when she slowly approached him, brushed his brow affectionately and kissed him chastely on the cheek.

"See you later sweetheart."

_Sweetheart? The hell?_

The jashinist glanced at her with unconcealed bewilderment. It was mind-boggling to see the once supremely reserved woman behaving in such a bizarre way.

His gaze lingered on her form till she was out of sight before taking her disposed mug from the counter and sniffing it for some powders she may have slipped in. You can never be sure..

Later on, Hidan made his way through the lobby of the company he worked at in a slightly better mood than yesterday.

The moment he stepped through those doors he was met with strange looks from all angles.

Hidan was honestly perturbed to see his coworkers appearing unusually focused on him sure, his eccentric character and unique appearance tended to draw some stares but even to him this was ridiculous.

Marching his way to the elevators, he could feel his good mood start to dissipate at the sound of furtive whispering going on behind his back. Pushing the button with more force than necessary, he turned around to throw a nasty glare in their direction. At the sight of his venomous looks every single head turned away hastily in the furtive attempt of busying themselves with alleged work. Luckily, the elevator was empty of mindlessly gossipers and he stepped in relieved he didn`t have to deal with migraines so early.

When he got to the 10th floor where his department was located at, he was once again greeted by odd looks. One of the secretaries (Mary?) even dropped dramatically her glass of orange juice witch was halfway to her mouth.

Honestly. Did he had something stuck on his face or what?

He omitted to shave this morning but it isn`t as if he turned into a carbon copy of Gandalf himself, seriously.

Twitching and grumbling all the way to his office, he resisted the urge to mangle and dismember all those who didn`t have anything better to do than to gawk at him with those stupid faces.

When he thought his day couldn`t get any worse, the son of Satan himself decided to strut his wrinkled ass in the office.

"Moron, I need those files I gave to you yesterday." he cut in rudely, getting straight to the point.

_Good morning to you too, assface.._

"Yah...right here."

Hidan bit his lip in annoyance, suppressing the urge to let loose with every vile curse in every language he knew.

When he managed to dig them up from the bottom of his briefcase he almost wacked him in the face with them. Only the sight of his distorted mug made his blood boil.

His boss took them as stoic as ever, eyeing them critically before turning around without showing him some sort of gratitude.

"And refrain to use so many paper pins. Those are expensive. We`re going to go bankrupt with the way you`re wasting them like some unlimited products." he lectured as he took his leave

Hidan growled darkly at the miser`s Armani suit cladded back.

But something didn`t click well with him.

"Hey! The heck did you come here for? Didn`t you have a secretary or some shit like that?" he asked, totally weirded out. Seriously, was he the only one acting sane in this freaking company?

Hidan wasn`t sure he liked the evil, conniving glint in the miser`s eyes when he turned around to face him once again.

"Oh. I wanted to verify the rumors myself..._sunshine_." he said with infuriating smugness, looking directly at his well-kept locks before walking away with that air of arrogance.

Hidan stared flabbergasted after the older man, things getting clearer by the second. He suddenly shot to his feet, eyes widening as he bolted out the door to reach the bathrooms, not caring if he shoved people in his way.

"Please.. "he prayed inwardly to his deity "Don`t let it be what I think it is.."

His prayer went unheard though...when he found himself in front of the mirror he nearly had an heart attack.

"NO!" he started, looking mortified at his reflection "My hair!"

Looking back at him was the image of a distressed young man with the same slicked back hairstyle but instead of the soft silver locks, he donned sweet golden ones, making him appear like a verdant cherub.

"WHO THE FUCK DID THIS TO ME?!" he yelled hysterically, grabbing a fistful of hair and looking totally out of it.

It seemed like his beloved God wished to bestow him with his much needed answers, that, or it wanted to have a good laugh at his expense because in his agitation a little piece of paper fell from his breast pocket.

Putting a pause to his mini panic attack, he shakily reached for the little piece of paper and started reading it. With each passing word the invisible storm formed above his head seemed to increase in proportion and his pulse started to accelerate.

In that unfortunate moment Tobi choose to strode in, bringing with him rays of sunshine and happiness.

"Hello Hello Hidan-san! Lovely day isn`t it?" he chirped, being oblivious to the killing vibes coming from the zealot.

Hidan couldn`t even speak. The rage seemed to have paralyzed his voice box. And Swirl-face didn`t help his situation either.

"Oh my... Hidan-san." Sounded Tobi`s amazed voice, looking for all worth as if he made a fabulous discovery that has the capacity to change the world for good.

"If my eyes do not deceive me...You look like Draco Malfoy`s twin! That`s so wonderful!"he cried, totally ecstatic at the sudden revelation.

The vein twitched violently in his temple and Hidan finally lost it.

In a violent burst of rage, the jashinist lunged forward to crab the annoying pest by the cuffs of his jacket before flipping him over his head and sending him flying in one of the toilet`s cubicles. Then he proceeded to storm out of the room, screaming obscenities in every direction, the violent tirade echoing down the hall.

With the little strength he possessed, Tobi managed to crawl himself over the sinks and righten himself up dazely to wash his hands. He would have missed the little note resting on the concrete floor if the paper towels weren`t seated in the same vicinity.

The jovial man reached down to take it and after softening the creases it suffered from Hidan`s berserk grabbing, he began to read:

_Dear Hidan,_  
_As we have agreed that I will not dye my hair, because apparently you have something against that color, you let me no choice but to take some drastic measures. Last night, after you fell asleep I was enlightened with the brilliant idea of using you as my little darling subject. You were aware from the start that I am not willing to abandon my project without making a compromise. In exchange of not changing my hair color, you will be the one to experience the enigmatic world of blondes and I will be the one who will analize the probes you will procure me. Don`t concern yourself with the color change, I used a dye without ammonia so it should wash away in two weeks at the most. Isn`t it wonderful when we get to a mutual understanding? I hope you are enjoying yourself darling._

_Love, Konan._

_Ps: we are out of chocolate. Please, bring some on your way home ^_^_

Tobi scratched his raven mane confused after reading the cryptic note.

"Is Konan-can a hairstylist?"


End file.
